Funerals have unwritten rules that apply across the board for mourners. Let's explore them, even if you're just there to confirm the demise.

1. Dress modestly - If the dress code is undefined or inapplicable, opt for dull colours, leave your perfume, shades and fashionably-torn jeans aside, and avoid any slogan-laden t-shirts like "Who's next?”.

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2. Speak sensibly - Please note, at a funeral, saying "I'm sorry" holds a different meaning than saying "I apologize.” 

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3. Skip theatrics - Unless you're directly affected, let the family members take the lead in expressing their grief.

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4. Be sincere - Let your sadness stem from the loss of a soul, and not from not getting the catering gig.

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5. Mute the ringtone - Spare the departed the agony of your notion of music. 

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6. Avoid small talk - To expand that list of forbidden discussions: Purpose of our existence, the future of those grieving, your recent detox journey, interest rates on investments and loans, your foreign vacation (mostly to a visa-on-arrival country), cellphone specs, weather, recipes…  is the guilt already building up? 

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7. Networking: Unless you’re in the business of resurrection or at least selling coffins with a built-in wifi, stick to condolences.

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8. No happy news - The grieving folks have no desire to hear a booming cheer of “congrats!” from one of the mourners.

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9. Respect the eulogy- Maintain a dignified composure. Chuckle. Even if a recollection warrants laughter. 

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10. Exit Gracefully - Let the family members mourn, without the burden of bidding you a goodbye.

Disclaimer: The above content contains elements of satire and witty commentary intended for entertainment purposes only. It is not to be taken seriously or as a reflection of actual beliefs or opinions. Please approach the content with a lighthearted perspective and enjoy it for its humorous and exaggerated nature.