June 20th, 2023.
the jackfruit cartel
Adipurush: A divine scrutiny beyond the earthly chatter.
Amidst the uproar of mere mortals, peddling their opinions, much like the humble writer of this read (who may have missed the film entirely), let’s leave behind this earthly chatter and turn our gaze skyward, where the immortal legends themselves dwell, and seek their divine discerning judgments.
Shri Valmiki Ji
The true immortal writer of the legend Ramayanam.
An AI generation of Sage Valmiki Ji
Shri Valmiki Ji, with a divine calm and a polite smile: “Hmm… It appears the writer of this film has used an eye mask, oven mitts and ear plugs, as writing aids, while crafting this creation. This is evidence enough to conclude that creativity flourishes when senses are hindered."
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Being the quintessential Guru, even when faced with a pupil who falls short of deserving it, Shri Valmiki Ji graciously imparts his sagely wisdom.
Shri Valmiki Ji: “Oh dear writer, heed my words of wisdom. While attempting to recreate a revered epic, stay true to the essence of the original narrative, rather than giving in to the allure of Bollywood theatrics. Let the story's timeless wisdom speak for itself instead of relying on gimmicks. Embrace authenticity and reverence in your future endeavours for genuine greatness. Jai Shri Ram!”
Next up was Shri Lakshman Ji. Sincere attempts to reach out to him were met with silence. However, Shri Narada Muni intercepted with a revelation that Shri Lakshman Ji, since the film's announcement itself, had contemplated a self-imposed exile, with the trailer further cementing his resolve, and the movie indefinitely prolonging it, leaving his return only known to Lord Ram.
Sri Hanuman Ji
A most revered deity, a symbol of strength and eternal friendship.
An AI generation of Lord Hanuman Ji
Shri Hanuman Ji with gentle amusement: “They have showcased a side of me that I never knew existed. Seeing myself, uttering such dialogues truly left me, the son of the wind, gasping for breath. But fear not, for I am not angered. True strength lies in the willingness to forgive even those who may not deserve it."
"And how generous of them to reserve a seat for me in the movie halls, although the anticipation of my arrival must have left them disappointed. But my presence extends far beyond a movie-hall seat. I am but a thought away. Jai Sri Ram!”
Mighty Raavana
a master of many disciplines, a towering symbol of intellect.
An AI generation of King Raavana
Raavana: “Surely, I must tip my crown to Lord Brahma, for creating a mortal capable of depicting me in ways even Lord Rama would find objectionable.”
“Let it be known that I, Raavana, bear no resemblance to a bearded-wannabe-viking-with -a-vibuthi.”
“Twisted minds, even a god can assure you, my tastes in relaxation are much more conventional than reclining on a bed of serpents, entangled in a love fest, with their tongues slithering in and out.”
“How mentally impoverished to portray my country in a satanic gloom!"
"How morally bankrupt to depict Shurpanakha as a mere seductress!”
“How dare you think my majestic persona is to toss meat chunks to a devilish bat that supposedly serves as my Pushpaka Vimana?”
“Pitiful lot, you can’t even begin to fathom my true essence. Tremble in fear and keep my name locked behind your quivering lips, for it is far too magnificent to utter.”
“Flee to the comforting embrace of your loved ones and stay put, far away from any foolery that will unleash my wrath. If it happens, mark my words, even Lord Rama himself may turn his gaze to your pitiful pleas for salvation. Consider yourselves warned, cinematic charlatans.”
Sita Mata Ji
The devoted companion of Lord Rama, her grace and strength shining brightly.
An AI generation of Sita Mata Ji
Sita Mata Ji: “Even amidst exile and Raavana's wrath, nothing has rattled me to the core, like this abysmal excuse for a movie. It distorts our sacred story and presents a false narrative.”
“I cringe at the portrayal of our beloved Hanuman Ji. It pains to hear such phrases reserved for him. I wince at the sight of actors portraying Lord Rama and myself, in a surreal world, playfully dancing to a notion of music.”
“But, let me tell you my child, the reality is quite the opposite. Our love and bond were forged through genuine hardships, not through frivolous dance numbers in a make-believe world.”
"Even in this day and age, people still bow down at the feet of those who portrayed us, in Ramanand Sagar's depiction. Such is their profound understanding of divinity. Politely, I ask, can the same be said of you?”
“To the makers of this travesty, I can only offer my deepest condolences for the utter failure of your artistic vision and the mockery you have made of our journey. I bid you farewell with a merciful- may you find enlightenment.”
Lord Rama
Epitome of righteousness & nobility,
An AI generation of Lord Rama
Lord Rama: “Dear makers, I understand that your intention was to honour me through this cinematic venture. However, in your noble endeavour, you seem to have strayed from the true essence of the story.”
“I must humbly acknowledge the deviations and misrepresentations that have crept into this movie. But fear not, there is no room for resentment within my heart. Your portrayal only reflects the limitations of your awareness rather than malicious intent. It serves as a reminder that even the noblest of intentions can sometimes lead to unintended chaos.”
“Yet, despite the depiction of Raavana, I find it within my divine grace to extend understanding and empathy. Rather, I embrace your sincere devotion and encourage you to reflect upon this experience.”
“May your hearts be filled with renewed dedication, as I trust in your ability to create a portrayal that is deserving of our story. You have my blessings. Go forth!”
Disclaimer: The above content contains elements of satire and witty commentary intended for entertainment purposes only. It is not to be taken seriously or as a reflection of actual beliefs or opinions. Please approach the content with a lighthearted perspective and enjoy it for its humorous and exaggerated nature.